The Truth About Your “Relationship” With Food.

Let’s cut right to the chase: you should not have a relationship with food. I’ll say it again. You should not have a relationship with food.

If I were to ask most people about their relationship with food they’d likely respond with a long winded explanation, covering everything from good food, bad food, eating, not eating, calories, junk, emotional eating, disorderly eating, and so on.

Now, it is true that we have created a culture around food, causing this said “relationship,” but this is exactly where the problem lies.

What if I asked you, “what is your relationship with energy?” You’d probably look at me like I had three heads. How could you have a relationship with energy, it is what it is. It’s simple, we consume it and we expend it.

Obviously, just because it’s this simple doesn’t mean we don’t complicate it, because we do, hence the issue. The goal is the sever your relationship with food, simplifying it into a simple energy equation.

And no, I’m not talking about “calories in, calories out” because that itself has caused many unhealthy mindsets around food consumption.

So, how? How do you sever your relationship with food?

You start treating food like food. Not like a friend you confide in or someone you’d go to for comfort. Food is defined as “any nutritious substance that people or animals eat or drink or that plants absorb in order to maintain life and growth.”

When you start treating food like a substance you need to thrive and live, rather than something you want or use to validate or change your mood, then you’ll stop being so concerned about it.

Right now you’re probably thinking, “well what about cravings?” or “family functions?” or “just living?”

I believe you should be able to participate or indulge in all of that. Want some pizza? Go for it! Celebrating your sister’s wedding, eat some cake! Had a hard week at work and want a glass of wine or a beer? Bottoms up.

When you don’t have a relationship with food, you become indifferent to it. You shouldn’t feel guilt when eating some pizza or cake, or when having a glass of wine or beer.

Now if you’re concerned about nutritional value, then that’s an entirely different conversation. Right now we’re talking about food as energy, not food quality.

At this point, you’re probably thinking this whole idea sounds pretty nice, but you’re still wondering how, “How can I sever the relationship?”

Well, here are some actionable steps. I warn that these steps are not for the faint of heart or impatient. Reprogramming your understanding of food will take time.

1) Learn Hunger.

You’ve probably heard this before, maybe in articles you’ve read about intermittent fasting or some fitness “guru” online, either way, I agree with the sentiment, learn hunger. Oftentimes we aren’t hungry; we’re bored, dehydrated, conditioned, or social eating.

If you’ve never heard of the last two, let me explain. An example of conditioned eating is when you’re watching a movie and need popcorn or a snack. We’re conditioned to need something to eat when watching a movie due to the set up of most movie theatre’s.

An example of social eating (oftentimes a form of imitation) is when you’re with your family or friends and simply eat because a) you see food or b) people around you are eating. Usually people respond two both in conjunction.

There’s many different ways to learn hunger, depends on the person and their environment, so here are two. Find what works for you:

a) Push back your first meal of the day. Pay attention to your body. Be sure to stay hydrated so you don’t confuse thirst with hunger.

b) Fast. There’s three rules for this one, aim for a 24 hr fast, from dinner to dinner, only eat when you’re hungry, and break your fast with a whole food. I say to break your fast with a whole food because if you were to break it with a burger or pizza per-say, you might have actually experienced a craving, not hunger.

Through whichever method you try, I guarantee you’ll first meet hunger, and then learn it.

Sidebar: I mentioned craving and I figure I should explain how to identify between hunger and craving. When you’re hungry, you can eat anything. You’ll eat plain broccoli and an apple, you’re simply craving energy, maybe some sugar from low blood sugar. When you’re having a craving, you won’t eat anything, you’ll only eat that specific thing. You crave a burger, pizza, ice cream, loaded potatoes, mangoes. Hunger is never as immediate as a craving, it’s more subtle and constant. Cravings will go away, if you allow them. Treat cravings like you would an annoying little sibling.

2) Learn To Wait.

In order to stop consuming food as a result of some emotion, celebration, person, place, or thing, you need to learn how to wait for hunger. Why consume energy when your body doesn’t need it? Would you ever over fuel your car with gas? Would you fill a glass with water beyond what it can hold? No, you wouldn’t, and you don’t, yet, when you’re encountered with the slightest idea of food, you over consume. You snack, you nibble, you taste, you test.

Now of course this is easier said than done, which is why you must start small. Don’t go “all in” or you’ll find yourself right back where you started, if not further behind.

So what does starting small look like? Starting small might mean snacking less. Do so slowly. This week you could eliminate that mid-afternoon snack and simply wait until lunch to eat. Two weeks from now you could eliminate your midnight snack.

Allow yourself to the feel hunger. Don’t be afraid of it, don’t run from it, and don’t try to beat it. Like food, with hunger, you should be indifferent. It’s like the sound of your phone’s notifications; your body saying “bing, I need more energy!” It’s your body’s way of communicating with you, and it will take time for it to be repaired. Sometimes you might get it wrong, that’s okay.

3) Be Reactive To Hunger, Not Food.

This goes hand in hand with the last point of learning to wait. Oftentimes we react to food. We see french fries so we want them, we see someone eating a juicy apple, so we want one. This should not be the case. Food shouldn’t be treated like shiny new car or a hundred dollar bill.

We must learn to be reactive to hunger, and hunger only. Of course cravings will happen. We’re not robots, we’re socialized and cultural beings, but indulge in your craving when you’re hungry. Wait.

If you’re reading this, you’re likely privileged enough to have access to food at all times. If that is the case then I have something to tell you, it’s not going anywhere. Those chips, aren’t going anything. That mango, yup not going anywhere. That cookies and cream ice cream, yeah not going anywhere either.

When we have these cravings then usually feel urgent, “I need it, now!” We act as if that food is going to drop off the face of the earth if we don’t immediately consume it. But, we all know it won’t. So, like I’ve said, wait. Wait for the hunger, then react to it. It you still want that specific food, then go for it.

By now you should have a plan on how you’re going to break up with food. It’s not a relationship you need, and definitely not one that’s serving you well.

Take the steps that I’ve outline in this article, and apply them to your life. Know that these are not quick fixes and that you’ll benefit most if you take your time. Don’t try to be perfect, simply try to learn and be better than we were before.

Until next time,

Live immediately, Briana.